Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny is courtesy of Don:

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux and the rats.

Boudreaux was out in da field talkin’ wit his friend Thibodeaux.

Thibodeaux said “Boudreaux, you see dat ole barn out dere? Well man, its completely infestered wit rats. I tried everything I know an can’t get rid of dem.”

Boudreaux say, “Thibodeaux, I know xactly how to get rid of dem rats. You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors.”

Thibodeaux say, Whats a bull constriptor?”

Boudreaux explains, “man. dats one of dem big ole snakes and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once”.

Well, da nex day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got. He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle and just sat dere and watched.

Well, Thibodeaux was watchin’ for a long time, I mean long, an dere wasn’t nuttin ‘ happening. Dat big ole snake jus curled up hiself in da middle of dat barn and slept all day. He didn’t even move and dem rats jus run all around.

So Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da phone, “Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake.Dem rats is still runnin’ all around and dat snake jus lays dere sleepin’ all day long.”

Boudreaux says, “Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what you to do. Give dat snake some Viagra.” Thibodeaux say, “What! Viagra! What’s dat gonna do?”

Boudreaux say,”I was just listening to da radio and de man say dat Viagra is DA best ting to use for a reptile dysfunction.”

Humpday Hilarities

Today I’m in an awww’s and giggles mood, so here’s a few smiles that I’d like to share with y’all.

Courtesy of ICanHasCheezburger.com:

This is from one of my favorite feline bloggers, Conan the Kitteh:

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny is courtesy of my mother:

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or ‘We don’t need no stinking light bulb.’

12. Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

14. Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: ‘How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?’

All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff!

Humpday Hilarities

I had a particularly hard day at work yesterday and totally wasn’t feeling the funny vibe. This video is something that my adorable husband posted to lift my spirits. It worked, and is my funnies entry for this week. Anyone who’s ever done tech support or even customer support I’m sure could relate to this.

Note: may be a bit NSFW (hand gestures and a couple words) so you may want to keep the volume down.

Aionfox issues with Firefox 3.6

This post is long overdue, I know. :p

Shortly after updating and resubmitting my Aionfox addon to the AMO sandbox, I realized that changes in the way Firefox 3.6 handles addons prevented it from functioning properly. (or at all). I’m in the process of researching this but free time has been scarce lately — things at work are uber-busy right now. Rest assured, I’m aware of the issue and plan to fix it.

For the time being, Aionfox version 1.0 works just fine in Firefox 3.5. If you had it installed previously before upgrading to Firefox 3.6 you can enable it via the Nightly Tester Tools. As it stands, version 1.1 does not work in Firefox 3.6. Considering it’s going to have to be pretty much re-written from scratch I’m most likely going to pull it from the development queue and take another look at the localization while I’m re-coding.

Note: I’ll be needing beta testers and will announce via Twitter and Facebook when the next version is ready for testing!

Humpday Hilarities

This morning’s funny is courtesy of Don:

THREE HOLY MEN AND A BEAR

A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an IV drip in his arm, and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.

The Rabbi looks up and says, “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

Are you sure this isn’t Monday?

What a lousy day … I overslept, woke up still mad at my husband, PMSing, was late to work, and when I finally DID get to work the phone was ringing off the hook and every client was wanting every single thing done right that instant! I swear, if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that I was stuck in some ‘Groundhog Day’ parallel Hell where every day was Monday all over again.

In short, I had a REALLY lousy day.

Apparently, one of my coworkers had picked up on this and without a word, walked up to my desk, gingerly laid down a chocolate bar, and slowly backed away. I looked at it, turned to him and before I could snap off a terse “What is THIS for?”, he said, “I live in a household with four women … and you looked like you needed one of these about now.” He smiled and walked away. I stared at the sweet confection for a moment, then proceeded to tear into it like a ravenous five-year-old opening presents on Christmas morning.

OK, so now I feel a little better … but today still sucked (for the most part).

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny is courtesy of my mother:

Dear Diary,

For Christmas this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress…

________________________________

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god — with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

________________________________

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It’s a whole new life for me.

_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. Blah, blah, blah.

_______________________________

THURSDAY:

Butthole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late — it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells.. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.

_________________________________

FRIDAY:

I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________

SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________

SUNDAY:

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies are courtesy of my mother:

Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

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In a Podiatrist’s office:

“Time wounds all heels.”

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

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At a Proctologist’s door:

“To expedite your visit, please back in.”

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On a Plumber’s truck:

“We repair what your husband fixed.”

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On another Plumber’s truck:

” Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

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On a Church’s Bill board:

“7 days without God makes one weak.”

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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

“Invite us to your next blowout.”

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At a Towing company:

“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

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On an Electrician’s truck:

“Let us remove your shorts.”

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In a Nonsmoking Area:

“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

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On a Maternity Room door:

“Push. Push. Push.”

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At an Optometrist’s Office:

“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

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On a Taxidermist’s window:

“We really know our stuff.”

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On a Fence:

“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”

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At a Car Dealership:

“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

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In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:

“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

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At the Electric Company

“We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don’t, you will be.”

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In a Restaurant window:

” Don ‘t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

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At a Propane Filling Station:

“Thank heaven for little grills.”

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And don’t forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

“Best place in town to take a leak.”

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Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

Spaghetti Tacos

As I was standing in front of my pantry last night waiting for culinary inspiration to hit me, Jessie made a suggestion for dinner: spaghetti tacos. She had gotten the idea from a recent episode of iCarly. At first I laughed (the show really is cute and I like to watch it with her), but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that it sounded pretty darned tasty! Granted, I cheated and used pre-made items, but it turned out great so I thought I’d share in case anyone else is looking for a new spin on an old family favorite.

You’ll need:

Jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce (or make your own)
Your favorite pasta
1 box of your favorite taco shells
Meat of choice, or meatballs
Cheese and/or other toppings of choice.

Steps:

Cook your pasta according to package directions. I made approximately 8 servings, using a mix of “regular” and wheat thin spaghetti noodles. This ensured that I would have made enough for everyone to get their fill, and would have plenty leftover for me to take with me the next morning for lunch! Next time I may use some medium-sized shells or perhaps angel hair.

While your pasta is cooking, cook your meat (or warm it if using pre-packaged) and set to the side. I used Tyson’s fajita chicken strips. These can be warmed in a skillet or in the microwave and are handy when I need to throw together a meal in a hurry. In a large skillet, combine your sauce and meat, and simmer until thoroughly warmed to desired temperature.

Warm your taco shells according to package directions. I used I used Old El Paso Stand ‘n Stuff shells. These things are handy because I can sit them down on a flat surface and stuff!

Once the shells are warmed, layer pasta, sauce, and desired toppings into your taco shell. We used Parmesan cheese, but I’ll be eating my leftovers today with a mix of Parmesan and sharp cheddar.

The finished product:

I think next time I’ll add some salsa and/or hot sauce to give it some kick!

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